Two Years? Really, Already! Has it been two years since my dad passed away? Yes, it has. In the past few days and today, I have talked with several people about the significance of today. This past Sunday, April 26, I met with the college/equipping pastor where I go to church. I mentioned him in my previous post. His name is William Kane, and has been a great friend. He was a caddie for Webb Simpson on the PGA Tour for two years. We met for a while and talked about several different things, including most recently the passing of my step dad two weeks ago, which after this post I will share that with you all over my next few posts including hopefully my first guest post.
We talked about today being two years since the passing of my dad. He asked me "how do you think that will be." Now, I am not sure if that is exactly what he said, but it wasn't anything elaborate, just an honest question. I told him that it would be tough, not as tough as last year since it was the first year, but tough. And that I think it will get less tough as time goes on, but it will still always be tough. I told him there are many times where I wish I could call him. There are times when I am thinking about calling someone, and I think I will call dad, but then I remember I can't. I don't know if that will ever really go away.
I remember talking with my mom since the my stepdad passed, about what it must be like to be a pastor and the demands placed on them. The fact that there are so many different needs that people have, while yet they have their own needs that need to be met. How do they balance that? How do they deal with those tough life questions, that don't really have an answer and really only God can answer. In talking with William, nothing against him, but there is nothing he can say that can take away the pain that I feel. And when I talk about pain, I don't mean the kind of pain you feel when you stub your toe (which if you have done that, can really hurt). I am talking about everyday, knowing that you may will never see that person again. That doesn't mean that I just sulked today or other days and feel sorry for myself. My dad wouldn't want me to do that. In fact, living life is really how I move on.
And as my life goes on, I think it is important for me to remember, just like William and I talked about, sometimes you don't need to say anything. Sometimes you just need to be there for somebody. As I think about all the people that have been there for me and my family, it is overwhelming. Even more importantly, it wasn't about what they said, but the fact that they were with us. That's even more important as time goes on for me, is that I am there for others, as people have been there for me. Thankfully, God has provided me the opportunity to be there for people who were going through a similar situation or just needed somebody to talk to.
I know I have mentioned my friend Teryn O'brien before and even mentioned a line from one of her past blog posts. In one of her posts she talks about grief and losing someone close to you, and how you will have to get used to a "new normal." A new normal, what an interesting term, but so well put. I feel like that hit's exactly on the money for my family and I. And I know that death as it is said is a part of life, but I still think it should affect us whether someone like my dad was sick for a long time or my stepdad who was sick for a brief period of time. We need to recognize that whoever it is, either family or friend, that it still hurts. And I guess my new normal is sharing my dad and now stepdad's story with other people. Not that every new person that I meet with, I sit with them for hours and tell them every detail, but if the opportunity is there, what an opportunity I do have to share with them about the amazing family that I have. I don't know what my other new normals really look like. If I figure them out, I will surely share them with you.
Thank you to all my family and friends for your love, support and prayers.
Thanks for reading and God Bless,
Patrick Mastriani
Teryn O'Brien: http://www.terynobrien.com/
College Pastor William Kane Twitter Handle: @WilliamKane1
Webb Simpson Twitter Handle: @WebbSimpson1
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