I hope all of you had a good holiday season. As 2015 closed, what a great opportunity with Thanksgiving and Christmas, and just in general the holiday season, that we had to be with our family and spend time with each other. For some of you though, this was a very difficult time for you all.
For some of you, you have lost a close friend or family member, and this time of year only brings about painful memories, or many other emotions that are not happy. As some of you may know, my stepfather, Tommy Hester passed away back in April very suddenly. What was supposed to be a routine surgery, resulted in several complications from it, and things nobody saw coming and him going downhill very quickly. We were left standing there looking around saying what just happened? For some of you, it may be the very same thing, or just like with my dad, someone you know has been sick for a very long time, and you lost them this year, or something else that has brought about pain. I don't know what it is, but it hurts.
When I write these posts, I try to humbly as possible recognize that I can't even begin to imagine what you have been through or the hurt you are feeling, but rather empathize with you. That I am someone who has lost people very close to me, and through that loss, God has given me a story to share with you and people I interact with on a daily basis.
I am not sure if I have mentioned this in previous posts, but when people know your situation, and ask "How are you doing?" or "How is your family doing?" I feel like this is such a loaded question, that it is hard to answer with just one word or in a sentence. And I understand that people care and want to know, but sometimes you want to say "How much time do you have?" and actually sit down for a while and share with them how things are going. But I recognize that not everybody has a large amount of time to spend talking, so sometimes you just have to say "Things are okay, thanks for asking." There is not any specific way to answer the question by any means, but with your own personal situation, you know how to best answer it.
And I think it is even harder during the holiday season. Not only are your friends or family saying you should be happy, but t.v. commercials, billboards, magazines, postcards are all saying you should be happy, and you are the exact opposite. And it's okay to be the exact opposite. It's okay to be sad or even ask "Hey God, what is going on?" And I know we tend to think, that he is not big enough to answer that question, but he is and he wants us to ask that question. And even when we want to have the question answered, God may not answer the question of why. He may do something different by helping you get through this period of time with family or friends.
I think the other difficult thing is accepting the help of others. I know it is hard for me, because many times I think, "I'm good, I can get through this on my own," Remember though, especially during Christmas and this time, how much of a gift people are. God has given us other people to share our lives with, and we tend to think that we always have to be serving and doing, doing, doing, that we never allow others to serve us and help us. Sometimes I think God has us in certain places and in certain seasons of life, for us to see the grace of others. Sometimes we feel like when we have lost someone close to us or are going through a hard time, we feel useless or selfish. Sometimes though in order to get the focus off ourselves and our situation, he puts people in our lives to show how much grace he truly has. For us to recognize that things can get better, and that life can go on even though these people are not in our lives anymore, it just will look and feel different.
I think the best example of God's grace is our family. And as I think about my family, each individual person has experienced their own heartache and loss over these recent years, but yet they are all still so giving of themselves. The best example I can think of for myself that I see, is my mom. In a span of less than two years, she has had to say goodbye to my dad and then only a few months ago to Tommy. For my dad, we were more prepared for especially with how sick he was over his last few years of living, but again no less difficult. With Tommy, it was in the blink of an eye like I have mentioned. I believe it is one thing to say goodbye to a parent, grandparent or friend, and please hear me when I say that I am in no way taking away from your loss if you have lost anyone close to you in your life. When you lose the person that you stand with committing your lives to each other before God and those family and friends you love that you want to share that amazing day, that is something totally different. Although I am not married, I hope that God blesses me with marrying a woman someday.
I believe that marriage is an unbreakable bond and is unlike any other relationship that we have while living. You are probably thinking why I am talking about marriage, this is not what the blog is about. My point is that losing a spouse should just wreck those that have, and that is okay if it is has, because we have a God that is with us in the midst of it. And my other point is that as my mom is still grieving in her own way, and even though she misses Tommy and this has been a difficult time, she is still such a giving person. Not only does she care about her own family, but those she comes into contact wherever she may be, I know just from being around that her, she displays God's grace.
As I have mentioned before, it would be easy for her to be angry and resentful, and people would understand, but she is not. I have actually had conversations with her, in that she has said it doesn't really help to be angry. Does it hurt, you bet. And she knows that Tommy would not want her to be mad, and to continue living and to be happy. On top of that, it just continues to amaze me her faith in God through all of this. She knows that each day is going to be tough, but as she says the best thing to do is trust that God will get us through each day.
I don't know how your holiday season went, but as we start 2016, may you experience a new beginning and maybe a little hope.
Thanks for Reading and God Bless,
Patrick Mastrianni
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