Icebreaker

This has been an interesting week.  For the last several months, I have been a part of Toastmasters, which is an international speaking club.  This upcoming week, I will be giving my first speech, officially known as my Icebreaker speech.  I will be telling my club about myself, which will be a pretty cool opportunity.  This week, I have been practicing, which has been pretty funny, because I have had to start over a bunch of times, and sometimes you have to laugh at yourself, because of how funny it can be.  Over time, I have become more comfortable with speaking in front of people.  Nowadays though, it is a little different and there is more purpose with what I talk about, since my dad died.  Not that every time I talk to people, I tell them about my dad, but when I do tell people my story, it's remembering that it is part of my story, and there is nothing to be ashamed about it.


It is still hard to talk about my dad and what he went through and what we went through as a family.  I was talking to a friend of mine, Steven Roberson the other day, about how hard it is.  I don't want to use the word, vulnerability, which seems to be a cliche word within the Christian church, but it is hard to be open about it sometimes.  There is a lot of pain that we went through an
d still go through, and that only God himself can help me get through, as I continue with my life.  Especially with this as there are other people reading, but that is why I decided to do it.  When I think about it, it is really an honor to share with people about a man, who fought for 15 years like he did.  It is an honor to talk to people about my family, people like my mom and my sister, who had to see their husband and father go through terrible pain, but displayed amazing courage through it all.  My grandmother, who throughout the time she has been retired, instead of not doing anything, she has been there throughout the time my dad was sick, and with that, 4 years ago, lost her best friend, my grandfather (PopPop), after being married over 50 years.  Overall, it is amazing to think about the family that I do have, and to see how they have gone through everything they have.

If you are reading, and again thank you for reading, and you are going through something tough currently or have gone through something, you are not alone.  Just like with my icebreaker speech and as time goes on, you need to share your story.  You need to tell others, because they can learn from you, and through your story, God can bring healing into someone else's life and even your own.  Also, remember that it may not be thousands of people's lives that you touch, but it may just be one person that hears or reads your story.  

Steven Roberson is a great friend, who is an artist, that seeks to share his gift with other people. You can find him at http://stevenroberson.com/.

Thanks for reading and God Bless,

Patrick Mastrianni

Thank you, Jim Kelly

Sunday, August 3, 2014 was a great day.  It was my roommate's birthday and we went to see the Savannah Sand Gnats play.  If you don't know who they are, they are a minor league baseball team here in Savannah, GA.  If you are reading this and don't live in Savannah, but come to visit, you should catch a game. However, try to avoid the actual sand gnats, because they can be pretty annoying.  I am not the biggest baseball fan, but it was a great time celebrating with him and everyone that came. It was really nice being at a baseball game on a Sunday afternoon and enjoying as they say (America's Pastime). Afterward, we went out to eat at a place called Spanky's, which again if you are in Savannah visiting, you need to go. They have several locations, including one right on the Savannah River, which is really nice.  They also have as much fried food as you could possibly want and is a good place to hang out.

Later in the night, we had several people come over to watch the Bills vs. Giants.  It was Hall of Fame weekend for the NFL and both teams had players inducted the night before.  We had a good time watching the game and then came halftime.  They did a piece on Jim Kelly, who used to play for the Bills and was inducted into the Hall of Fame several years ago, but had a teammate who went in this year.  Jim Kelly over the last few years has been battling cancer and it recently came back a second time.  He has finished treatments in the hope that it does not come back.  With all the people that were at our house, hanging out and having fun watching the football game, I was glued to the t.v. It was like everything else faded away.  Here is this former NFL player, who has cancer, when he is never supposed to never get hurt, fighting for his life.  What is also really cool, is that it has been known that he and his family are a strong Christian family.  As he is going through this really hard time, he and his family have stayed strong in their faith.  While also going through cancer, they have been able to help other families who are going through what they went through, having a child with a severe disability.   It was such a powerful few minutes, and am grateful that I was able to see it.

I struggle a lot with not having my dad around and having seen him experience so much pain, and thinking that me and family are the only ones that have gone through something like this.  I am reminded though, that I am not alone, and that even though I may never meet Jim Kelly, his story can help encourage me and others.  God also reminds, that I am not alone, that he is with me, even though I may struggle.  I am also reminded by Jim, that I can help others through my story even though it may be painful. And I want to remind you that if you are reading this, that you are not alone with what you are going through.  That God does love you, that even though you may be going through something extremely difficult like cancer, but he wants to be right there with you through it all.  That whether in the middle of it or things have now passed, you can help others with your story.

Thank you, Jim Kelly

http://www.nbcsports.com/football/nfl/jim-kelly-kelly-tough-fight-against-cancer

Thanks for reading and God Bless,

Patrick Mastrianni

Five Lessons My Dad Taught Me

A few weeks ago, I did a post about Father's Day, and what it was like for me with my dad being gone and what that day meant to me.  As I have written in my past posts, there have been many things that my dad taught me through having cancer.  Lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life, and one day as I have a family, lessons I hope to put into practice.  There are five lessons my dad taught me during his fifteen years of being sick.  Even with him being a teacher, some of these lessons were ones that he taught without ever having to say anything.  I think it is important that we can learn from people we know without them saying anything.  I think this is especially true if someone we know is going through something really tough, and realizing that no one is perfect.

1.  How to be a Christ-following man
Thankfully, I grew up in a Christian home, with parents that brought us to church.  For my dad, he knew and recognized that he was not perfect, and he never tried to act like it.  Through being sick, he taught me that my relationship with God, is not about when everything is going really well, but that there may be times when things are really bad.  To always depend on God, but also know that I would have to do my part, and know that I couldn't be lazy.

2.  How to be a good husband
One thing I know for sure, is that my dad loved my mom.  I always remember the story of when he first saw my mom and how he knew right away that he wanted to marry her.  Even in his last few years, and even though his sickness overtook him, and not being able to be a functioning part of a family, he would always tell me that he loved my mom more than life itself.

3.  How to be a good father
My dad was a great father and did the best that he could while being sick.  He always reminded me that he was not my best friend and that he wasn't going to try to be.  He believed that in order for me to become the best man I could be, that I was going to have to learn some hard truths and that I wasn't always going to like him for it, but down the road as I got older, I would realize that it was for my good.

4.  How to work hard
When I think of my dad, I think of someone who worked hard, even when he was his most sick.  He was always working outside, making sure our house looked nice and taking pride in the work that he did.  He also taught me to work hard at my job.  My dad loved teaching math and was so good at it, (weird, because I didn't get that gene).  Even with that love, he was never satisfied, he was always seeking to learn and help others.  He was so passionate about teaching his students and helping them become better students and people.

5.  How to live life to its fullest
For the those that knew my dad, they know that he was a passionate.  (When you are Italian, you can't help it, we are lively people, we like to talk with our hands and we are also loud, which he could be very loud if he wanted to be).  He would always talk to me about not being scared to live, even with him being sick, he would remind me that I couldn't let it get in the way of living my life.  He was constantly reminding that God gave me talents and gifts for a reason, to not be afraid, and to help others in using them.

Finally, here are a few pictures of my dad. Notice the buzz cut he has.  Even though I did not have it in this picture, he and I buzzed our heads growing up all the time.  My mom didn't like it, but that was okay, I thought it was cool being like my dad.

Thanks for reading and God Bless,

Patrick Mastrianni

Father's Day

On Sunday June 15, 2014, it was Father's Day.  It was a hard day, and I don't know that it will get any easier.  It's hard after someone close to you has died, to not be able to to talk to them.  You want to call that person, but you know you can't because they are not around.  If you live with that person, you expect to talk to them or for them to walk around the corner, but they don't.  That is the way it has been with my dad. Something really interesting, and was a true blessing from God, was that I got to share my dad's and my families story with two people that weekend.  In talking to them, I got to share when he first had cancer, and then the two other times that it came back, and the health issues he had in between them.  How brave he was for going through it, while trying to be a good husband and father, and also working, providing for his family. That even with his strong faith, that he struggled with being sick.  I also said that it's just hard to deal with everyday.  Also, that I wouldn't have to do anything in particular, but I would just love to be able to spend more time with him, and just talk to him one more time.

I also wore my Superman shirt that day, which if this is your first time reading, Superman was my dad's favorite superhero.  I also watched Man of Steel, which came out in theaters last summer.  It's a great movie and there are many qualities that my dad displayed during his battle with cancer.  I think the biggest thing to me was my dad's courage.  For 15 years he went through pain and struggling health, that I don't know I could go through.  He often said that he love us "more than life itself," and that showed in his fight with everything The fact that he was willing after 11 years of fighting to go through the Bone Marrow transplant, was amazing.  

There were so many unknowns, yet all he really cared about was being around his family for as long as he could.  I thank God that I was able to be with him for his last few years.  Even so, it was very hard to see my dad in such bad health.  There are many days where I think or ask God why we had to go through that? Please don't feel alone if you feel that way, because I deal with that everyday.  I think it's okay to ask God those questions, and I realize I may never find out why my dad had to go through all that he did.  It's realizing that I will never see my dad in person again, but that he has had a huge impact on me and my family. Thanks Dad for the courage you displayed during your fight.

Thanks for reading and God Bless,

Patrick Mastrianni

Today is One Year

Good evening everybody,

today is here, which sounds weird, especially since this is being written at the end of the day.  When I started this blog, it was the six month anniversary of when my dad died, and I thought it was an appropriate time to start it, especially since I had been thinking and praying about it for a while.  Today is the big day, today is ONE YEAR since my dad died, which is crazy to think about.

I didn't know what today would be like, and I think it's good to not have any expectations when it comes to a day like this, especially since it was my dad.  I think it's hard everyday when you lose a close, loved one to continue trying to live.  I don't know that we ever truly get over losing them.

Today was tough though.  It's tough, because everyday I realize I will never be able to talk to him here on this Earth again.  I won't be able to ask for his advice on different things.  He won't be able to see me get married or have kids (which were the two biggest events that he wanted to be a part of).  And it's great to be able to talk to family and friends about him and remind each other of the good times you had with him, but it still does not replace actually being with him.    

I have learned a lot though in this past year.  God has been gracious towards me and my family.  He has taught me a lot personally which I will share now.

He has taught me a lot about my dad, which is who this blog is about as you know.  For a person to be able to go through all that my dad did is amazing.  God has been reminding a lot about how much my dad loved his family.  My dad could have easily not decided to have treatments, but three different times, decided to go through a lot of pain to continue living and to be around his family, which my dad truly loved and adored us. Especially in his last four years after he received the bone marrow transplant, how much pain he went through still amazes me.  Probably the most vivid memory of this, was in his last few months, he came to my sister and I's college graduation, and there was no one more proud than him.

God has brought a lot of healing among our family.  This past year has allowed us to become closer and to really cherish and love each other more, which I think going through what we have went through, will do.  It teaches you what is really important and how important it is to be close with your family.  Especially my mom, to have seen her husband go through all that he did, and to be so gracious about it all, has been amazing and is a testament to her faith in God and has had a big impact on my sister and I.

I hope that if you are reading this, that somehow my story can help.  That you realize that you are not alone in your journey, even though at times it may feel like it.  I also want you to know that I am not perfect, but thankfully God still works with me.  Know that it's okay that you don't go through these times perfectly, because you are not supposed to.  Ask God to walk through it with you.  Thank you to you all for following this blog and walking with me on my journey.

Thanks for reading and God Bless,

Patrick Mastrianni

High School Years

High school was a rough 4 years for me, although that's not the main point of this particular post, telling you that, but it's true.  As I said in my previous post, my dad got cancer again when I was a sophomore in high school.  I think the biggest issue, was that I never liked to take the time to actually study, especially when it came to Math.  I had a really hard time in Math, all throughout high school, and my dad would always tell me "You have to learn the rules son."  I can't even begin to tell you how many times I heard that.  Anyway, once the cancer came back, my dad took it hard and it affected me too, because he was my dad, and you don't want to see your dad be sick, especially when he is supposed to take care of you, not the other way around. Again, your dad is supposed to be Superman.  Another thing he would always tell me, and for those that knew my dad, you know he was a very passionate man.  He would always say, "Patrick, you have so much potential, and I want you to be a better man than me," which looking back now, I hope I can be half the man he was with what he went through.  He would always tell me that, because he didn't want me, with him having cancer and being sick cause me to not do my best and go after my dreams, which now looking back, I understand.  Let me be honest though, that is very hard to do, because you want to help those you love and be there for them, but you also have to live at the same time.  I think with that comes learning to trust God even with everything that is going on. I don't say this knowing how to, but learning and trying to do it. For me it has not come very easy, but it certainly helps.  Trust me, I am not the expert on how to balance those two things, I am just telling you my experience, which I hope you can learn from.  Also, it was not hard for me to make friends in high school, but it is hard when someone in your family is sick and there are not a lot of people around that can relate.  In many ways you feel like you are alone, and for those that are reading this, again know that you are not, and that you do have a support system if you are willing to have people be there for you.

Thanks for reading and God Bless,

Patrick Mastrianni

Middle School Years

My dad was a teacher for about 12 years and we were at the same school once I got to middle school.   He was a math and science teacher, and I don't think I know anyone that loved math more than he did.  He could do math problems all day and I am grateful, that even with all the health issues he had, that in his last few years he still loved math and never lost the ability to do it. It is amazing the gift that God gave him to do it.  In middle school, I played basketball and although my dad did not coach me, he was always at my games supporting me (I can still hear him now, he had a very distinct voice) even if he was not feeling well.  (If you are not a parent yet, be thankful for your parents being there to support you in what you enjoyed doing).  In middle school is when I started to understand better what my dad's health was like.  He never wanted him being sick to affect us and for us to worry about him. (I think I heard him say "I'm okay" more times than I can remember).  God gave him a lot of strength to go through what he did, and as I continue this blog, what he went through in my time in high school and college, will more evidence of that.

Thanks for reading and God bless,

Patrick Mastrianni