Today is One Year

Good evening everybody,

today is here, which sounds weird, especially since this is being written at the end of the day.  When I started this blog, it was the six month anniversary of when my dad died, and I thought it was an appropriate time to start it, especially since I had been thinking and praying about it for a while.  Today is the big day, today is ONE YEAR since my dad died, which is crazy to think about.

I didn't know what today would be like, and I think it's good to not have any expectations when it comes to a day like this, especially since it was my dad.  I think it's hard everyday when you lose a close, loved one to continue trying to live.  I don't know that we ever truly get over losing them.

Today was tough though.  It's tough, because everyday I realize I will never be able to talk to him here on this Earth again.  I won't be able to ask for his advice on different things.  He won't be able to see me get married or have kids (which were the two biggest events that he wanted to be a part of).  And it's great to be able to talk to family and friends about him and remind each other of the good times you had with him, but it still does not replace actually being with him.    

I have learned a lot though in this past year.  God has been gracious towards me and my family.  He has taught me a lot personally which I will share now.

He has taught me a lot about my dad, which is who this blog is about as you know.  For a person to be able to go through all that my dad did is amazing.  God has been reminding a lot about how much my dad loved his family.  My dad could have easily not decided to have treatments, but three different times, decided to go through a lot of pain to continue living and to be around his family, which my dad truly loved and adored us. Especially in his last four years after he received the bone marrow transplant, how much pain he went through still amazes me.  Probably the most vivid memory of this, was in his last few months, he came to my sister and I's college graduation, and there was no one more proud than him.

God has brought a lot of healing among our family.  This past year has allowed us to become closer and to really cherish and love each other more, which I think going through what we have went through, will do.  It teaches you what is really important and how important it is to be close with your family.  Especially my mom, to have seen her husband go through all that he did, and to be so gracious about it all, has been amazing and is a testament to her faith in God and has had a big impact on my sister and I.

I hope that if you are reading this, that somehow my story can help.  That you realize that you are not alone in your journey, even though at times it may feel like it.  I also want you to know that I am not perfect, but thankfully God still works with me.  Know that it's okay that you don't go through these times perfectly, because you are not supposed to.  Ask God to walk through it with you.  Thank you to you all for following this blog and walking with me on my journey.

Thanks for reading and God Bless,

Patrick Mastrianni